by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Sep 16, 2012 | Uncategorized
Renaldo and his mentor were three-quarters of the way through the mentoring year. It was September and he suddenly realized that only three months remained and he still had not accomplished his learning objectives. His goal was to become more promotable by gaining exposure to operations in different parts of the company. He decided that he had to get back in the driver’s seat and have a conversation with his mentor.
Renaldo: I really want to make the most of this relationship in the time we have left. I don’t think I have worked as hard as I should have at focusing on the goals we set early in our relationship. I got caught up in some really great conversations and I allowed that time to take the place of the experience I was seeking in getting operations exposure.
Mentor: Tell me more. What exactly do you mean?
Renaldo: Well, a lot of change has been happening in the Company and we talk about that a good deal of the time. Don’t get me wrong, I am learning a lot from those discussions but I realize now that we haven’t made much progress on the goals we set. I’d like to spend our time today reviewing those goals and maybe even redefining them. Is that okay?
Mentor: I am glad we are having this conversation. So, what are you thinking?
Renaldo: I really want more exposure in the company. I figure that once I get a broader picture it may help me identify another opportunity in the company where I can make a much more significant contribution. I want to make the most of the time we have left and see if we can still put a cross-functional project in place that would give me an expanded exposure to at least one other area. With three months left, do you think there is time to identify a good project for me? I am really ready to take one on.”
Mentor: Good! Let’s get started.
If you are a mentee, you can accelerate your own growth and development by being proactive and asking your mentors for what you need when you need it.
If you are you not getting what you need from your mentoring relationship, it may be that you are not asking for what you need!
What Is Getting in Your Way?
- I don’t feel comfortable with my mentor yet
- I am afraid that by asking I am exposing my weakness
- I don’t know how to “make the ask” in a respectful way
- I don’t want to appear incompetent
- I am afraid of the repercussions
- I am a shy person
What You Can Do
- Speak up.
- Be specific and descriptive in asking for what you need.
- Offer the reason for why you need what you are asking for.
- Make sure that what you’re asking is clear and understandable.
- Be direct and get to the point quickly.
- Be authentic.
- Check for understanding when you receive feedback.
Take the initiative. Get back in the driver’s seat. Make it a habit to ask for what you need. The more specific and descriptive you are in asking for what you need the more you are likely to succeed.
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Sep 11, 2012 | Uncategorized
Getting a mentoring relationship started on solid footing requires engaging in collaborative conversation. So, how do you start the conversation? (more…)
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Aug 26, 2012 | Uncategorized
Matt and his mentor, Anne Marie, have been meeting regularly for nearly four months. With each meeting, Matt feels more confident and grounded. He thinks he has made significant progress and that relationship is on track (but he isn’t 100% sure). He assumes that Anne Marie is good with it as well. But is she? Is Matt’s assumption correct? (more…)
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Aug 13, 2012 | Checking Out Assumptions
More than twenty years ago, Ury and Fisher (Harvard Negotiating Project) articulated the best strategy we know for negotiating, “Get the most for
yourself that the other side can live with.” (more…)
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Aug 10, 2012 | Uncategorized
Mentoring success doesn’t just happen. It is brought about by the conscious choice we make to engage in a continuous stream of focused and robust conversation. (more…)
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Aug 7, 2012 | Advice for Leaders
In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, best-selling author Stephen Covey identified consistent habits that were characteristic of highly effective people at work. (more…)
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Aug 2, 2012 | Uncategorized
Mentees, especially those new to mentoring, often think that it is presumptuous to ask their mentors for what they need. Sometimes it is the fear of intimidation; the mentor’s position and power in the organization that gets in the way. And sometimes, it is sheer gratitude and respect for a mentee’s time and attention that precludes a mentee from asking for what she needs. (more…)
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Jul 29, 2012 | Growth and Development
Can you recall the last time when you were engaged openly and respectfully in two-way, free-flowing really great and meaningful conversation? If you are like most people you can probably recall one or two such occasions even though you may be engaging in real conversation less and less these days.
It is ironic that in the very process of connecting with each other, we are actually becoming more and more disconnected. Technology has made connecting more expedient but, at the same time, it has affected how we interact and engage with each other.
Mentoring relationships run the risk of becoming a series of sound bites (text and IM) instead of real conversations. Engaging in conversation increases trust and facilitates learning in a mentoring relationship.
We developed the Levels of Conversation model to illustrate how trust and learning expand relative to the level of conversation that takes place in a mentoring relationship.
Monologue is essentially a non-conversation. It shuts down, rather than invites, conversation. It doesn’t build trust or promote learning. One or the other party claims all the airspace for storytelling, lecturing or expounding.
Most people engage in transaction when they mean to be in conversation. The conversation goes back and forth and remains on the surface. I.e., “Would you do me a favor? Yes. Did you read that article? Good.”
Interactions are useful information exchanges and approximate conversation but still skim the surface. Your mentee asks you how to get something done and you respond by suggesting different ways to get the job done.
Good conversation lives above the dotted line. With the move to collaborative engagement the quality of the interaction shifts. This is where deeper insight and reflection take place. There is more trust and therefore mentor and mentee are both willing to be vulnerable. The conversation and relationship deepen and learning accelerates to a new level.
When conversation becomes dialogue, shared understanding emerges from the mutual learning that is taking place. Because trust is high there is no defensiveness. Conversation is open. As different perspectives emerge, the thinking of mentor and mentee expand.
The further along the continuum you are the more trusting your relationship becomes and the more learning takes place.
Leadership Questions: Good conversation is the key to building trust and facilitating learning in a mentoring relationship. Where are you and your mentee spending most of your time along this continuum? What do you need to do more of? What do you need to do less of?
This just might be the time to have a conversation about conversation and find out!
