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Top Ten Reasons to Buy The Mentor’s Guide, Third Edition

Top Ten Reasons to Buy The Mentor’s Guide, Third Edition

by | May 8, 2022 | Advice for Leaders, Facilitating Learning, Growth and Development, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Communication, Mentoring Questions, Mentoring Relationships, Supporting Mentors and Mentees, Uncategorized

Major Changes to the 3rd Edition

Major Changes to the Third Edition

Since the first edition appeared in 2000, interest in and knowledge about adult learning and development has grown exponentially. We now recognize that adult learning is more than a cognitive process; it is a multidimensional phenomenon. The uniqueness of the adult learner has been accentuated over the last decade as we continue to learn about more the complexities of the brain, multiple types of intelligence, and our emotional selves. All of this has meant fundamental changes for mentoring, and for this guide. Among the major changes:

  1. A full two chapters are now devoted to the importance of context and connecting in mentoring, including an exploration of the context of difference and the context of how people come together to connect with one another in the relationship.
  2. Conversation between mentors and mentees are drawn from actual mentoring experiences in a variety of situations, including business, government, nonprofit, and higher education, and reflect the diversity of the global workplace.
  3. There is more discussion and emphasis on mentoring relationships embedded in  context including a consideration of the context of other differences—sexual orientation, gender, and race—in the mentoring relationship, with many examples 
  4. The chapter on the context of connection has been expanded to include physical, virtual, and personal context, with special attention to how virtual mentoring connections  offer new ways to create and enhance positive mentoring relationships.
  5. The section on mentoring matches addresses seeking, selecting and evaluating a potential mentoring relationship.
  6. Additional examples have been included along with an enhanced mentor skills list and updated approaches for starting your mentoring relationship.
  7. The goal setting process has been expanded from SMART goals to SMARTer goals, adding to the specificity and measurability of the process.
  8. There is an enhanced conversation guide to help mentors evaluate mentee learning goals, full consideration of emotional triggers that impact mentoring and guidance for co-creating your mentoring partnership 
  9.  Includes more emphasis on trust, including the dynamics of self-trust and interpersonal trust
  10.  Includes updated and enhanced content on feedback including how to get back on track when stumbling blocks get in the way. Explores the dynamics of the feedback process with many more examples and a feedback checklist for mentors.
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Learn together, but don’t get stuck on the escalator

Learn together, but don’t get stuck on the escalator

by | Aug 12, 2021 | Growth and Development

One way to harness the power of mentoring is for mentor and mentee to study something together. I employ this practice in one of my current mentoring relationships. My mentee and I choose a topic and find a book or article related to the topic to read between our monthly sessions It’s been an excellent way for both of us to learn and to guide our discussions.   

 Here are some tips to make this work for you:

Agree on the mechanics.

Decide who will choose the reading and how much of it you will discuss at the next meeting.

Keep it relevant.

Make sure that the topic is related to the mentee’s goals. In mentoring, learning is always for the sake of development, and it should be tailored to the mentee’s learning objectives. 

Right-size the homework.

Nothing kills follow-through like being overwhelmed. If you choose a book, break it into chapters and agree to read a few chapters, The idea is to generate enthusiasm for learning together, not to slog through the material.

Come prepared to discuss.

Remember that this reading is just for enlightenment; it is an opportunity to learn together. Mentors, resist the temptation to teach or lecture. Plan on discussing what you learned and how you think this might relate to your mentoring objectives.

Create an implementation plan.

I used to live in Washington, DC, where there are crazy long escalators that go down to the metro stations. There are times I would feel like the ride on the escalator was as long as the rest of my commute. Some people hate those escalators, and even have nightmares about getting stuck on one and never making it home! Like many fears, there is no explaining this one. Even if the escalator abruptly broke down, you wouldn’t be stuck on it. You could always walk up-or down the escalator to get to your next destination. 

The reliance on reading to create change is a little like waiting for someone to fix the escalator. At some point, you may have to use the skills you have to get the results you want. Knowledge will only get you so far. After you discuss your learning, create an action plan to bring that learning to life. 

 

A Tale of the Three Mindsets

by | May 11, 2021 | Growth and Development, Mentoring Training, Uncategorized

I’ve been thinking about mindset a lot lately.  Partly in an attempt to prove to myself that I can be disciplined and partly in an attempt to set my own health and fitness routines, I just completed a 75-day challenge that required twice-a-day workouts, following a diet, and drinking a gallon of water a day.  When I began the challenge, I wasn’t sure I could finish it because I thought I lacked the discipline I needed.  After all, my track record at sticking to new programs wasn’t great.  I often started strong, but found a reason a week or two for why I couldn’t continue.  The truth was, I never really believed I could develop the discipline I needed.   When I finished the challenge, I realized that it wasn’t a matter of discipline that got me through – it was a matter of mindset.

In her frequently-cited book In her frequently-cited book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck described two kinds of mindsets, a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.  A fixed mindset—a belief that your strengths are fully developed and not subject to change – is what kept me stuck in the past to the story I told myself that I could never be disciplined.  I’d told myself “I just don’t have it in me.” described two kinds of mindsets, a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.  A fixed mindset—a belief that your strengths are fully developed and not subject to change – is what kept me stuck in the past to the story I told myself that I could never be disciplined.  I’d told myself “I just don’t have it in me.”

During my 75-day challenge, I let that fixed mindset go, in favor of what Dweck calls a “growth mindset” – a belief that one’s abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.  I thought of each day as a new opportunity to learn discipline, and one day at a time got through the challenge until my old story didn’t work anymore.

So, how does this relate to mentoring?  In mentoring, mindset is critical to continued success.  Our mindsets determine our approaches, interpretations and responses to a situation. There are three mindsets that are helpful for mentees .

A Growth Mindset

Recognizing that you can grow and learn and develop into the person you want to be is essential to growth.    Approaching mentoring with a growth mindset means you believe:

I can learn something new. You must believe in your ability to grow.

I can imagine getting good at something. You must be able to visualize becoming the person you want to be.

My strengths and weaknesses aren’t fixed. You must be willing to  step into possibility.

A Beginner’s mindset

There is a Japanese concept called Shoshin, which means “beginner’s mind.”  Shoshin requires that you:

  • Are open to learn. Just as you would if you showed up to learn a new skill, it is important you are open to learning from and with your mentor.
  • Are eager to learn and excited to see what will happen when you learn. A sense of enthusiasm makes a big difference.
  • Let go of preconceptions about what it takes to become an expert at something. Part of being a beginner is being willing to challenge your expectations and to face what you don’t know you don’t yet know.

A Mentoring mindset

Linda J. Searby of the University of Florida has identified a “Mentoring Mindset” a series of attributes of successful mentees.  Having a mentoring mindset means you:

  • Have a learning orientation. American author Brian Herbert said “The capacity to learn is a gift; the ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice.”
  • Take initiative. A mentoring mindset requires that a mentee take ownership of their own learning and ask for what they need.
  • Are goal-oriented. This means you identify and work towards your goals.
  • Show relational skills. Mentoring is as much about the relationship as it is about the learning.  To develop a mentoring mindset, you must invest in building a relationship with your mentor.
  • Reflect on your learning. Take the time do a self assessment, learn from your mistakes and share your insight with your mentor.

Discipline is developed after mindset – not the other way around.   Focusing first on mindset will set you up for success in your mentoring relationships.

 

Dismantling Racism: How Mentors Can Create Change Through Allyship Part 2, Getting Educated

by | Oct 22, 2020 | Advice for Leaders, Growth and Development

I’m crafty, which means I’m very good at starting crafts, forgetting, then returning to them years later. In fact, I have a blanket I started for my grandma stuffed away in my closet right now. I pulled it out the other day to find a knotted ball of yarn attached to the blanket’s start. It looked like it was played with by two kittens, a dog, then tossed in the garbage disposal for good measure. Looking at that mass, I was overwhelmed. I needed to find where it was attached to the blanket and work through the tangle of knots just so that I could start knitting the blanket. As I worked through the yarn, I began to pick up on the texture, how the knots form, how hard to pull on the strand, and eventually, I was better able to untangle the ball quickly. 

Photo of books stacked on top of each other
photo of 3 women in front of a laptop pointing at the screen

This knotted ball is allyship. Allyship is a complicated mass of knowledge and behaviors that we have to untangle. It requires that we learn and develop and work through a knotted mass that’s wrapped up with what we know, believe, and how we operate. This requires that we get educated. Starting at the beginning of the knotted ball, you will begin to untangle knots like systemic racism, power, covert racism, and privilege, gaining a longer and longer strand of usable yarn, which you will use to develop allyship. The process may be frustrating, and you may feel like giving up. Some knots will be incredibly hard to get through, while others will be straightforward. But unlike my blanket in the closet, keep working on that ball, so you can develop concrete ally behaviors to support people of color in and outside of the workplace. 

Getting educated is perhaps the most foundational piece of allyship, and it is forever ongoing, and if that sounds exhausting– it is. Thankfully, mentoring can provide you with support and direction as you begin to maneuver through the knots of racism, inequality, and social justice. In our last piece, we talked about the importance of developing an allyship partner and things to consider when selecting this partner. In Bridging Differences for Better Mentoring, authors Lisa Fain and Dr. Lois Zachary identify the three functions of mentoring that we can apply to allyship partnership: 

  • Support 
  • Vision 
  • Challenge  

Leaning on these three functions of mentoring can be the means through which one stays committed to their allyship journey. The following sections will elaborate on the benefits of using mentorship to foster allyship. 

Support

Support  is the management and process of a mentoring relationship (Fain & Zachary, 2019). As you work through allyship materials or engage in other allyship behaviors, ensure you have an excellent connection to lean on when you need advice, support, or comfort. There are many strategies you can utilize. Here are two examples to offer: 

  • Maintain a climate conducive to learning. Most likely, the work you will be doing with your partner will primarily involve learning new material. As such, develop an environment in your partnership that encourages exploration.
  • Create structure and maintain accountability. The main activity that you and your partner should begin with is creating structure and accountability pertaining to allyship. How will you document or discuss any experiences you have at work that required allyship? Who else can you talk to about allyship outside of this relationship?  

Vision

The vision is the link that binds you and your allyship partner together. Develop a roadmap for where you’d like to be due to this relationship (e.g., an advocate in the workplace). You can do this by: 

  • Sharing your story.  As allyship partners, you may decide to start by sharing your story concerning how you have experienced race. Where did you grow up? What was it like at your school? Have your political viewpoints shifted? If so, how did this come to be? As you begin to explore your history, you will begin to identify similarities and differences that you can use to flex your allyship muscles by examining the role your personal history has played on your current behaviors and values.
  • Creating future scenarios. Just like any new skill, allyship must be practiced. Ensuring that there is space for co-workers of color will not come naturally to most people. Nor will calling out racist statements or behaviors in the workplace. We encourage allyship partners to practice how they would react in scenarios where they should serve as an ally. 
  • Holding up a proverbial mirror to encourage mentee self-reflection and heightened self-awareness. Reflect on your readings or everyday experiences. You and your partner may use these to determine what allyship looks like for you both. Additionally, remember that you both will fail at serving as an ally at times. Use those instances as opportunities to learn for both you and your allyship partner. 

Challenge

Challenging each other may be the most pivotal function of an allyship partnership. Much of the material that you will cover may challenge what you have known. Here are three steps:  

  • Suggesting things outside of your comfort zone and providing a safe place for your partner to take risks. Given that you have created a structure and established trust, you and your partner should push each other to explore topics and scenarios outside of the norm. Consider role-playing scenarios that currently make you uncomfortable (e.g., standing up to your superior when making a racist comment). 
  • Presenting opposing viewpoints or perspectives. We are in a very divided time where people will have differing opinions from yours. In your partnership, consider what these perspectives are and how you may respond to views that run counter to allyship principles. 
  • Asking questions that bring past actions into consciousness and promote insights into change. Again, we emphasize reflection. Consider how your past actions have led you to where you are. How would you change?  

Resources 

A simple Google search can provide you with lists of antiracist materials. Ultimately, it will be up to you and your partner to determine what type of literature you both want to investigate.  

Ask yourself: 

  • What is our previous exposure to antiracist literature? 
  • How strong is our collective understanding of history? 
  • Do we have the same religious/value system? (e.g., Should we utilize a Christian lens to approach antiracism?)
  • Am I educating myself with diverse voices or just authors with the same identity as myself?  

Recognize that the foundation of allyship is understanding oppression, privilege, systemic racism, power, and white fragility. As you learn more, you might decide to discuss your learning with your mentoring partner (See note below for an important caveat). Here are three resources that might be helpful:    

  •  Me and White Supremacy originated as a 28-day Instagram Challenge from Layla F. Saad. Mentoring pairs may choose to work through the challenge together, process the material, and reflect together. 
  •  How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi examines how he has experienced and internalized racism and offers insights into how you can strive to be antiracist. This book is full of history. Ask yourself (and/or your mentee) some of these critical questions: Did I learn about this in school? Why or why not? Who will I share my new knowledge with now? How might this new knowledge change my social interactions?
  •  Dear White People is a comedy-drama that addresses intense social issues through Black students’ eyes on an Ivy League college campus. Mentoring pairs can watch an episode and reflect on how the episodes’ issue plays out in the world. Note: the series is rated TV-MA. 

Reflection Questions with Your Partner 

  • Use your allyship partnership to reflect on each resource you review. 
  • You and your allyship partner may choose to reflect on the literature using the same questions. For example:
    • What was new information? What did I already know?
    • How can I integrate the knowledge and principles I have gained in both my professional and personal life? 

Next Post: Create space 

In our next post, we will discuss how to give and receive feedback regarding allyship behaviors.  

CME is honored to be named a Top 10 Mentoring Blog  by Feedspot