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The Quality of Your Questions

by | May 30, 2024 | Advice for Leaders, Facilitating Learning, Goal Setting Conversation, Growth and Development, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Communication, Mentoring Questions, Mentoring Relationships, Supporting Mentors and Mentees

The best mentor-mentee relationships thrive on curiosity and powerful questions. Mentors should resist the urge to “fix” problems and avoid prescribing specific actions. Mentees should focus less on being who they think their mentor wants and more on approaching interactions with a willingness to learn, grow, and discover how to think.

I am always seeking great questions to facilitate these interactions. Recently, I discovered three excellent questions while listening to the audiobook Clear Thinking* by Shane Parrish. Parrish suggests that when seeking advice, your goal should be to understand how the other person thinks, not just what they think. Although his book is not specifically about mentoring, the questions he proposes can be highly beneficial for both mentees and mentors.

Questions Mentees can ask their Mentors
Mentees might ask….

1. What variables would you consider if you were in my shoes?
How do these variables relate to one another?

2. What do you know about this problem that I don’t?
What can you see based on your experience that someone without it cannot?
What do you know that most people don’t?

3. What would your process be for making this decision if you were in my shoes?

Questions Mentors can ask their Mentees
These questions are also valuable for mentors. Instead of offering solutions or suggestions, mentors can prompt their mentees to reflect by asking:

1. What variables in this decision are important to you?
Who else or what else does this decision impact?

2. What are you most worried about in making this decision?
What possibility excites you the most?

3. What have you tried so far?
What do you think is the best process for this decision?

These questions encourage reflection and empower mentees to solve both the current problem they are facing and future problems. They also enable mentees to develop authentic solutions that fit their unique needs, values, and learning styles.

What questions have you used to encourage clear thinking in your mentoring relationships?

*Clear Thinking by Shane Parrish: (Farnam Street, 2023, ISBN: 0593086112)

The quality of your questions

Ikigai and Moai Principles Offer a Transformative Mentoring Approach

by | Jan 19, 2024 | Advice for Leaders, Facilitating Learning, Group Mentoring, Growth and Development, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Communication, Mentoring Relationships

Written by: Angela McGuire | January 2024

Over the past year I have had the privilege of participating in the genesis of a Blues Zones city in the southeastern region of the United States. Blue Zones employs evidence-based solutions to help people live better and longer by making healthier choices easier where people live, work, learn, and play (www.BlueZones.com). Ikigai and Moai are two of the tenets intertwined in the Blue Zones model for living a healthier life.  Though these concepts aren’t specific to mentoring, exploring their relevance to mentoring relationships unveils a unique synergy that fosters personal growth and connection.

Ikigai, often described as the intersection of what you love, what you are good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for, serves as a compass for individuals seeking purpose. When applied to mentoring, it becomes a guiding principle for both mentors and mentees, encouraging them to align their passions, skills, and contributions within the mentoring dynamic. Mentors, driven by their Ikigai, can provide more meaningful guidance. By identifying their own purpose and values, mentors can inspire and be a guide to their mentees as they explore their own unique intersections. This alignment facilitates a deeper connection and a more authentic mentoring experience. For mentees, understanding their Ikigai helps them set clear goals and expectations. It empowers them to actively seek mentors whose experiences and values resonate with their own Ikigai. This intentional approach contributes to a mentoring relationship that goes beyond skill development, nurturing personal and professional fulfillment.

Moai is a Japanese term for social support groups which emphasizes the importance of community and shared experiences. In mentoring relationships, Moai principles encourage the formation of supportive networks around the mentor-mentee relationship. This collective support system amplifies the impact of mentoring, providing diverse perspectives and shared wisdom. The research of mentoring scholars like Kathy Kram and Belle Rose Ragins shows the power of developmental networks such as these on mentee growth. Kram and Ragins (2007) encourage those in mentoring relationships to not only take part in developmental networks but to strengthen their value through mutual learning and fostering more connections. Mentors and mentees can engage in group discussions, collaborative projects, and shared learning experiences. This not only enriches the mentoring process but also creates a supportive network that extends beyond individual pairings. By intertwining Ikigai and Moai dynamics in mentoring, a collective sense of purpose emerges. Mentoring relationships go beyond individual journeys but also contribute to a broader community with shared values and goals. This interconnectedness enhances the overall impact, creating a ripple effect of positive influence.

In mentoring relationships, the incorporation of Ikigai and Moai principles offers a transformative approach. Mentors and mentees, driven by their unique purpose, find enhanced meaning and fulfillment in their journey together. As the mentoring landscape evolves, embracing these Japanese concepts can pave the way for more purposeful and connected relationships.

Ragins, B. R. and Kram, K. (2007). The Handbook of Mentoring at Work. Sage Publications, Inc.

Learn together, but don’t get stuck on the escalator

Learn together, but don’t get stuck on the escalator

by | Aug 12, 2021 | Growth and Development

One way to harness the power of mentoring is for mentor and mentee to study something together. I employ this practice in one of my current mentoring relationships. My mentee and I choose a topic and find a book or article related to the topic to read between our monthly sessions It’s been an excellent way for both of us to learn and to guide our discussions.   

 Here are some tips to make this work for you:

Agree on the mechanics.

Decide who will choose the reading and how much of it you will discuss at the next meeting.

Keep it relevant.

Make sure that the topic is related to the mentee’s goals. In mentoring, learning is always for the sake of development, and it should be tailored to the mentee’s learning objectives. 

Right-size the homework.

Nothing kills follow-through like being overwhelmed. If you choose a book, break it into chapters and agree to read a few chapters, The idea is to generate enthusiasm for learning together, not to slog through the material.

Come prepared to discuss.

Remember that this reading is just for enlightenment; it is an opportunity to learn together. Mentors, resist the temptation to teach or lecture. Plan on discussing what you learned and how you think this might relate to your mentoring objectives.

Create an implementation plan.

I used to live in Washington, DC, where there are crazy long escalators that go down to the metro stations. There are times I would feel like the ride on the escalator was as long as the rest of my commute. Some people hate those escalators, and even have nightmares about getting stuck on one and never making it home! Like many fears, there is no explaining this one. Even if the escalator abruptly broke down, you wouldn’t be stuck on it. You could always walk up-or down the escalator to get to your next destination. 

The reliance on reading to create change is a little like waiting for someone to fix the escalator. At some point, you may have to use the skills you have to get the results you want. Knowledge will only get you so far. After you discuss your learning, create an action plan to bring that learning to life. 

 

A Tale of the Three Mindsets

by | May 11, 2021 | Growth and Development, Mentoring Training, Uncategorized

I’ve been thinking about mindset a lot lately.  Partly in an attempt to prove to myself that I can be disciplined and partly in an attempt to set my own health and fitness routines, I just completed a 75-day challenge that required twice-a-day workouts, following a diet, and drinking a gallon of water a day.  When I began the challenge, I wasn’t sure I could finish it because I thought I lacked the discipline I needed.  After all, my track record at sticking to new programs wasn’t great.  I often started strong, but found a reason a week or two for why I couldn’t continue.  The truth was, I never really believed I could develop the discipline I needed.   When I finished the challenge, I realized that it wasn’t a matter of discipline that got me through – it was a matter of mindset.

In her frequently-cited book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck described two kinds of mindsets, a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.  A fixed mindset—a belief that your strengths are fully developed and not subject to change – is what kept me stuck in the past to the story I told myself that I could never be disciplined.  I’d told myself “I just don’t have it in me.”

During my 75-day challenge, I let that fixed mindset go, in favor of what Dweck calls a “growth mindset” – a belief that one’s abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.  I thought of each day as a new opportunity to learn discipline, and one day at a time got through the challenge until my old story didn’t work anymore.

So, how does this relate to mentoring?  In mentoring, mindset is critical to continued success.  Our mindsets determine our approaches, interpretations and responses to a situation. There are three mindsets that are helpful for mentees .

A Growth mindset

Recognizing that you can grow and learn and develop into the person you want to be is essential to growth.    Approaching mentoring with a growth mindset means you believe:

I can learn something new. You must believe in your ability to grow.

I can imagine getting good at something. You must be able to visualize becoming the person you want to be.

My strengths and weaknesses aren’t fixed. You must be willing to  step into possibility.

A Beginner’s mindset

There is a Japanese concept called Shoshin, which means “beginner’s mind.”  Shoshin requires that you:

  • Are open to learn. Just as you would if you showed up to learn a new skill, it is important you are open to learning from and with your mentor.
  • Are eager to learn and excited to see what will happen when you learn. A sense of enthusiasm makes a big difference.
  • Let go of preconceptions about what it takes to become an expert at something. Part of being a beginner is being willing to challenge your expectations and to face what you don’t know you don’t yet know.

A Mentoring mindset

Linda J. Searby of the University of Florida has identified a “Mentoring Mindset” a series of attributes of successful mentees.  Having a mentoring mindset means you:

  • Have a learning orientation. American author Brian Herbert said “The capacity to learn is a gift; the ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice.”
  • Take initiative. A mentoring mindset requires that a mentee take ownership of their own learning and ask for what they need.
  • Are goal-oriented. This means you identify and work towards your goals.
  • Show relational skills. Mentoring is as much about the relationship as it is about the learning.  To develop a mentoring mindset, you must invest in building a relationship with your mentor.
  • Reflect on your learning. Take the time do a self assessment, learn from your mistakes and share your insight with your mentor.

Discipline is developed after mindset – not the other way around.   Focusing first on mindset will set you up for success in your mentoring relationships.